The way a bullet stabs

My world is simple. I have a family, a few friends, a job and a habit. A habit of loving people unconditionally. Except a few exceptions. It’s not that I don’t love them unwillingly. It’s just that they brought it on themselves. Arguably, they made me not like them. It’s like in Ed edited it. They just edited themselves out my life. It’s not that I’m blaming them, I might be partly at fault too.
But now, my life is dreadful. Every moment that passes makes me look back and think. Think whether it was a good moment or a bad moment. It’s literally another wistful moment. To think. I usually do not give a second thought on anything. That’s how I’ve always functioned. That was what was best for me. It was the only way I knew. But these days not knowing what is going on in other people’s mind is like dealing with backstabbing two-faced people and suddenly these people are all enthusiastic about what I’m on or doing or eating and even shit stuff that I do. Why? Why me?
Ain’t there anyone else in this world? Don’t they have a life to lead? Ain’t there anything more interesting than me?? What I do is completely my business and the things or person that I involve. On serious note, if I am going to shoot a person and murder him, its completely on me. You are NOT going to take a blame. Worse even, you will refuse to even know me. So why, when I’m doing what I want to on everyday basis that you have to start pushing your nose in and keep an eye on me without my knowledge? Why would you judge me with what you see? Who even gives you a right to judge me? If I started to judge you, I swear, you would TERRIBLY want to hide under the ground. And I would dig up and crawl in there to make you more miserable. I swear. I might be naive. I might be weak. I might be a girl with a very bad temper. But what you brought on yourself is completely your fault. I will not take any responsibility of what will happen once I take my thoughts in action.
But it’s easy talking big while your hands are tied. Worst what I could do is figure out the invisible eyes and try to put an end to it. Or let it stay like that until the other side of the party loses interest. Because frankly, I am never a piece of thing that holds attention for long. Eventually they know that there was nothing extraordinary, just a facade that everyone likes to see. Because everyone thinks they are extraordinary when the fact is quite the opposite… I know that for a girl it’s very difficult to be extraordinary. Because they are judged by so many parameters that most people doesn’t even know exists. But haters are going to hate and girls will always be judged. Hence, I will be judged and measured like onions in the market. Like really. Onions. Because people think that girls are the reason for a man’s destruction, like it brings out tears,  girls are the reason a society fall back, like it’s scent that makes us cringe, girls are to be kept in the kitchen, like we put them in there. But what they don’t see is that once the onions are pilled their scent defends themselves, when they are put in a dish they make it’s flavours standout all the way more. Onions are good for our food, onions are even healthy. But when a bee stings, it’s the onion that helps cut the poison. You get my point?
I was talking about how people makes me hate them and how they can’t resist interfering. It’s not that it’s their fault. It’s the way they have always known, always seen and always did. I’m not being rude, it’s just because they are malfunctioned. People’s mind setup is weird. You can never know what is going on inside their skull. Even if you were Sherlock. Because Sherlock makes mistakes too. Sherlock also has typical train of thought. Sherlock also hates people because people are just plain boring.
People cannot resist to pock their nose in because they are always curious about who is messing up big time. People likes to watch other people’s distress, these people in distress watch other people in distress. People watch people go through bad phase, they make it worse by poking their nose in and saying something that ends up making the situation worse. People watch other people having fun and they have to do something in order to spoil the fun. What do they gain from it? Satisfaction. I don’t know how. But they just do. I know I blabber a lot. But even you know that these things are real. People actually do it. They do it for their evil peace of mind or own happiness or maybe for something I can never figure out.
The reason I am saying all these? Nothing. Mental satisfaction. Is my mindset different from theirs? I don’t know but I don’t have fun when I see someone at distress. If I cannot help, I at least try to be considerate or sympathetic. If I see someone having fun, I smile at myself that they are blessed. I know people are hateful but they are also people who stands beside people at the time of great need, these are the people who make up a world that is not only beautiful but also a place I can call home. Some of these people make it look like that everyone is bad. Even for an anti-human like me with lots of flaws myself and two left feet know there are people like Peter Parker or Ciel Phantomhive and there are also people like Magneto or Mojo JoJo. Okay, I did not just pull that name as an example. But anyway, after the storm and spending a lot of time under the bed we finally know that we are also a part of this people. It’s easy to accuse people but it’s also important to know where you stand. It’s also important to know what others think about you.
You can shout to people with the top of your lungs that you don’t care what others think. You can also shout at them that you don’t give a damn. But even for me, I know that somewhere in the back of my mind I will think that people are going to judge. So it’s important to care. It’s important to know what other people are thinking. Because in that way you can put them to stop when they try to point a finger at you. It’s important the table you are serving at should be stainless. Stains put a bad impression, just as a defect in your character puts a bad judgement. Because people are really good at judging and stabbing like a bullet.
So stop for a while. Look on your right and look at your left. You cannot hide in your safe haven. People are staring. Dodge the bullet of their looks, their cruel thoughts and their pointing fingers. Take a deep breathe, take a leap of hope, the trouble you have gone all through the night -the silent cries and hopeless sighs, make them your strength and take a step. A step toward the people, a step with faith, a step to your dream. Let the people know the red lipstick, the messy bun and the oversized sweater is who you are. The jiggling of your bracelet talks for you, that black scarf says how much you love yourself and that Ray Ban sunglasses are a touch of playfulness that you alone stand against all these people. You are a strong, independent woman with a big dream of winning the world. You can jump so high that you can touch the sky. These people will only be green with envy while you can glow like the full moon.
You’re never gonna give up, never gonna stop flying.


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