So I was trying a new hair color to bring a change to myself. 

I don’t know if the color suited me but I did it anyway. I thought it would bring some changes in me. You know like those kinds of movies, where you do a makeover from head to toe after a break up. 

No, I didn’t have a break up. I was just tired of dealing with stuffs. So after I colored my hair, my mum said it wasn’t much of a attractive color. 

Within a month, the color faded. And now, it’s something between brown and red. It looks cool now. 

So did the change in my haircolor bring any changes in me? Nope. I don’t understand how a makeover can change people at all. All I know is I am sadder now, more distressed and more depressed. 

Although I put new color on my hair, I couldn’t actually bring a new color in my life. That’s how tge reality is. Without even trying to bring a change, you cannot expect it to change over the night. I did try to change, maybe the effort wasn’t worth it. 

My problem is, I don’t try hard enough. I quit easily. And then regret all my life for not continuing. I understand tge hardships, I also understand hardwork. What I don’t understand is even after giving my all, I remain at the end of the road, as the last person. Always losing. 

This is why I am depressed. I haven’t slept multiple nights. I haven’t been able to attend classes. I have even laid in the bed all day. I was at the verge of giving up. 

I don’t know if I will give up at last. I don’t know if I’ll step forward either. I’m just so tired of dealing with everything that I want to stop. I want to stop and look at the sun and bathe in it’s sunlight. I want to stand at the corner of the mountain and scream with all my heart. I just want to sit in a corner and cry my heart out. I also want to throw everything away, run on the beach with naked feet and consume myself in the sea water. I want to touch the clouds at the cliff of a mountain or just stand watching the sunset. 

I also want to fight with all my might. I just want a strong hand to pull me through it all. A hand to wipe my tears and tell me that I’m strong. A hand that can quench all the darkness with a simple smile. I’m tired. But I want to fly too. 

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