From The Memories of A Confused Child

From The Memories of A Confused Child

The world is whimsical. The more you see, the more you get confused

While growing up, I wondered often what was it like facing the world. I used to stand in my long varenda of my old house, the house I spent my childhood in, and watched people walking by. I used to think their life must be a pleasant one. How could they not be happy?

I used to get confused when I used to walk on that road myself. Thinking that they road led to my answer, I happily followed. As I grew up to have enough sense, I realized it was a just facade. No life is a pleasant one. You have to make a life of your own. From childhood, we are taught to fight in this world, to make a stand in this society, to take what you can. 

No one taught me not to trust anyone. Now, I easily fall into the traps made by people, trusting them. The more I see them, the more I am confused. Is it me? Or have they always been like that? Cruel, immoral and discriminative?

No, it’s just the way they are. Because they are human. Humans are the only creature who can deceive, who can say things they don’t mean, who can backstab us and leave.

No, I don’t get confused anymore. I stand in a path where I have to fight my war alone. And I will because in this world, being innocent and confused won’t take you to the path you want to reach. Instead, I have to take one step at a time, take a breath so I am not confused anymore and go ahead.

Ahead, where I can be happy and have a pleasant life. Where the life is not whimsical but a peaceful one. 


Image source: Internet


If Your Life Was a Book, What Would You Call It?

All my life, I have read books that I found intriguing. I considered myself to be in those books, a character playing a part and not as just an audience. I have lived their lives, I have won battles and I have cried and felt joy along with them. These books have been a part of my life, a part that I have found rich and voluminous. But reading them was not enough.

I had to see if there was anyone who was me. A girl who saw the world just as I do, who sometimes danced when walking while no one watched, sometimes she talked so much she forgets where she had started. A girl who thought the world was unfair while she loved it at the same time, who held sparks in her eyes, enough to ablaze someone who looked too deep. I’ve searched through the books of Hardy, Shakespeare or Austen but never been able to find that one girl who resembled me. Perhaps, I am still to be written. I am yet to be described in those poetic gestures lovers use to describe their soul mate.

No, I am unwritten because I still have to choose what I would like to create for myself in any aspect of my life. It is so easy to get busy with everyday boring tasks, same old stuffs and slowly drift away from what your heart actually wants. What if tomorrow when you are sitting at a restaurant with your friends, watching Tom Hardy on that big screen TV getting comfy in his couch and they ask you “So, what have you been doing with your life?” and you realize you don’t have a story to tell. What if?

We all need a story of our life that we can tell people about. For that you need a pen and a paper. Well, lots of papers. I believe life isn’t about having a job and paying bills. Life is when you see yourself on the verge of making that dream come true. It’s about passion and courage – to reach the glory of success you have desired. If you don’t write that story yourself, no one else would. You are the author of your life and your life is the book you need to write. If you don’t have an idea what your story could be, just take a deep breath and let the story emerge slowly. Everything I do, I don’t have a certain intention or a conscious thought and most of the time I am stumbling upon things that I am doing. I am letting my own story emerge as it goes. But I don’t make it significant because if we did, it would become a pressure and we will lose hope from that.

So don’t see if your story is right, just see if you are taking it to where you want it to– that makes your heart sing. After all you are the author – you get to decide.


– See more at:

Sailing My Way Through

Being a young little girl, my dreams had been to be a prize winner writer. Being a little grown up girl, my dream was to be an international best selling author. Being at the point of my life right now, where you stand in a middle of nowhere, where neither you can look back or move ahead, it might be a chivalry to say that I would be a writer. There are just so many better people than me, so many nicer people. People that I both like and hate and it’s a pain that I endure everyday that there are people who are actually making something out of them while I am laying here on my bed and writing a blog I don’t even have the idea how to use. The thing is I’m not brilliant, I’m not extra-ordinary. Neither do I pretend to be something that I am not. See, I have a life and I have some dreams regarding to it. And a wish to make them come true. Do you know how much time, patience and effort it needs to cherish a dream? Of course you do. Everyone’s a dreamer. Everyone wants to be something. But not everyone takes the chance to fulfill it. This is where the difference is. I don’t know where life would take me. I don’t know what my life has in store for me. What I do know is, I can take myself to a point where my dreams can flourish, so that later when I am sitting on my veranda under the shade at the back of my house in a late afternoon enjoying a lavender essence tea, I can tell myself I put myself out there. I tried. It wouldn’t matter if I failed. I’d be a happy girl.
Sometimes it is enough. But not containing. I want to put myself out there. I want to put myself to test if I can. Because it’s the regrets that break us, not the broken dreams. You can sleep with a heavy heart and a deep sigh. But you cannot sleep with a burden in your mind. I like to think that I can put myself out there and win. Even if I achieve the slightest thing, I am a winner. There’s nothing to lose. Because in life, there’s nothing called winning or losing. It’s only achieving. There is nothing lost in the ocean, it comes back, maybe not where you lost it but where someone else finds it. Your lose is someone else’s gain, maybe when the finder remembers you , it comes a blessing.
My dream is like that. Like the ocean. Big and crossing the limit. Just as it tries to catch the wind with it’s waves, and the sand wants to lose itself in the ocean water- my dream wants to sail far away as possible and reach the limit. I want to lose myself like those sands in the ocean of my dreams.


With every waves when they sail, I want to remain there standing and watch my dreams reach where they belong. Watch them take themselves to the limit where they meet others and together I want to cherish every bit of those dreams to be what I dream to become now.

Say No To Suicide

I was being paranoid. I knew that life had to offer better things and I was somehow depending on it. It’s not everyday that you are pleased with yourself and in my case, I am never pleased with myself, now life just gave me another reason for hating myself and of course, life. Life is one too much pain in the neck; but then it is life that I am so much in love with. So it doesn’t matter if my life is torturing me. It doesn’t matter that the sunny side of your egg is upside down on your plate and when you turn it, it breaks. It doesn’t even hurt when you are all happy and someone has to say something to you and you’re like not so much happy anymore. But really all that matters is that I’m being taken serious when I’m saying that major tendency to suicide has become too much of a matter now. I might be angry with life but I will never dare to hurt myself. Why not? Because I love myself too much for that. No matter how old I am, I’m always too young to die. Life is very short, life is very beautiful. Life is when you look at that purple flower and see a light shade of white closing in. Life is when you are walking and you see a little baby smiling at you. Life is a Friday night crazy movie night or a Wednesday of losing mind and cry. Life is how pizza is with extra crust base and double-cheese topping coated with too much white sauce. Life is a drop of ice in the heavy flow of rain. Life is a wonder. Life is harmony. Life is what I blabber to my friends. Life is an extra day in the leap year. Life is like the wind in the Willows.

So I am not succumbing to suicide. I will never surrender my judgement to what I couldn’t get. Because I’m too busy living a life.
#Say_no_to_suicide #awareness #Love_Life_Love_Yourself